the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
