There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
