You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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