wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
