Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
