There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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