he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
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