Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
