I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
