O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
