About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
