I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
