He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
