Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
