ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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