But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
