I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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