apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
