his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
