Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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