Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
