i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
they need to just BURY HIM!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
