Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
