if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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