He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
