I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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