i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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