D3 body, D1 cock
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
