I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
