Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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