THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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