dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
