This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
