I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
