I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
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