And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Come on in and take your pants off
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