I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
