I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
