Just fell off a train. Bad.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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