do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
