i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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