I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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