he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
