everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
