and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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