I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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