I think my vagina is haunted
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
