Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
