I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
