I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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