oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
