Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
