we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
