I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
