so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
