real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My balls are so social today.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
