It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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